oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
