Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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