I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
