Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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