are you still at the devil's house?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
