How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
