yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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