New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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