One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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