He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
