she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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