You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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