Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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