Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
