Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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