I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
