I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
