So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need to sanitize my soul.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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