so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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