His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
vagina is talking i cant
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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