Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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