I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
