Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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