New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just forgot I was standing up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
