i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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