Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
