if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
