i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
