at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
