after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
