Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
