He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
