please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
