It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
PANTIES FOUND
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
