If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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