I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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