My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
True strength comes from lack of pants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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