hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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