AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
