I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
50% drunk capacity currently
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
