you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
