DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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