I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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