Kiss
Puke
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
