i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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