Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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