i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
