Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Randomize
