There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
