I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
