So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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