that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
