This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
