Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
