I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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