The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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